The XMEN Clan Forums

I'll give it another try.<br><br>This is Ground Control to Major Tom... <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :D --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /happy.gif ALT=":D"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <br><br>***<br><br>I have left the sun behind. It is just another spec within a billion specs all around me. Only 34 more lightyears before I reach my goal. Another 20 years and I will be the first Man to reach Cygnus Centauri. Too bad it will be my corpse.<br><br>I am the last survivor of a crew of 120 colonists. The cold of space might freeze me to death, but that would be a merciful sleep before I pass away. No, nothing so kind as a hypothermic doom awaits me. It wont be the starvation, the lack of oxygen, the loss of my sanity.<br><br>It is coming from a pin-head hole in the ship's hull. We tried to repair it, outrun it, stop it up, but the pressure difference continued to mount. Soon - I am going to be contorted into a pool of mass about the size of a gallon of milk, and squirted out into space.<br><br>****<br><br>Okay, now for some brevity.<br><br>The cosmos... Silent, cruel, a place of the worst extremes. Radiation will burn you if the vaccuum doesn't freeze you. To be here, to exist here, you have to take a small portion of your entire environment with you - and keep it with you - or die. <br><br>In fact, take everything you do in life on Earth, and if you do it in space, go ahead and tack on - "or die". And that is when the place is being friendly. No meteor showers, no comets, no solar flares. When space gets into a mean mood, nothing is safe. Period.<br><br>There, that is somewhat brief. And non-repetitive. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START ;) --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... s/wink.gif ALT=";)"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <br><br> <p><img src=http://www.usssacramento.net/images/ravok.jpg> <BR>Proud Member of the XMEN <BR>Kickin' Member of the THZ*<BR>Slammin' Tactician for the DTM<BR>Awesome Owner of <a href="http://www.usssacramento.net"> usssacramento.net </a></p><i></i>

And Don't forget, Ravok smells. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :lol --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /laugh.gif ALT=":lol"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <p><map name="SHMAP"><area href="http://xmenclan.org" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="169, 72, 193, 143"><area href="http://dragontalonmercs.com" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="0, 78, 25, 141"><area href="http://pub1.ezboard.com/uspinninghat.sh ... anguage=EN" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="22, 3, 172, 30"></map><img border="0" src="http://www.xmenclan.org/sh3d2.gif" usemap="#SHMAP" width="194" height="144"> <br>Why Do I always Die?!?!</p><i></i>

Like Atheist's socks. <p></p><i></i>

<!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :D --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /happy.gif ALT=":D"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <br> <p><br><img src=http://www.xmenclan.org/avatars/ashaman2.jpg width=150 align=left><br><left><a href=http://www.dragontalonmercs.com>Dragon Talon Mercenary</a><br><a href=http://www.xmenclan.org>Member of the XMEN</a><br>Have a Nice Day!<br><br>"Politics, war, martial arts;<br>these are tools to bend the <br>universe to your will."</left></p><i></i>

One bit of advice I have is not to let the semantics or phrasing of a sentence stop you from writing. It's good that we've gone over your passage, and I think what SH did improves it. But if your getting frustrated trying to get down a certain sentence or even paragraph or passage, then don't be afraid to just write what comes to mind and not look back until you've completed what you're writing.<br><br>What I'm saying is if you think this is leading to writer's block, try finishing the chapter before looking back and editing stuff like this. It may seem incomplete or poorly written (we are our own worst critics) when you first complete it, but then you can go back and fine tune the parts you aren't satisfied with (you can even underline the parts that bother you when you first write them down so you know where to come back to). You'd be surprised how much more progress you can make when you work this way. <p>XMEN|FireFro[DTM] --- "I hate shocklances"<BR><BR>"Join me or die, can you do any less?"</p><i></i>

Ya klnow, I never thought of it that way, but that makes total sense. Because I do think about the semantics of each and every sentence as I write. Which, I think all writers should be doing somewhere in their heads while they write. But it does lead to a writers block kind of condition for me, because I stop my flow of Ideas to perfect a sentence, then, when It is complete, I try to continue with little or no luck. <p><map name="SHMAP"><area href="http://xmenclan.org" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="169, 72, 193, 143"><area href="http://dragontalonmercs.com" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="0, 78, 25, 141"><area href="http://pub1.ezboard.com/uspinninghat.sh ... anguage=EN" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="22, 3, 172, 30"></map><img border="0" src="http://www.xmenclan.org/sh3d2.gif" usemap="#SHMAP" width="194" height="144"> <br>Why Do I always Die?!?!</p><i></i>

Yeah, you definitly have to give a lot of thought to each sentence (unless your in a groove when it's flowing out) but if you're stumped don't let it stop you. <p>XMEN|FireFro[DTM] --- "I hate shocklances"<BR><BR>"Join me or die, can you do any less?"</p><i></i>

My socks? *injured look* Well, it's not like they have laundry service in dark, moist caves, now do they?<br><br>Asha, I'm not a writer, I'm a dentist - so my specialty isn't words. Buuuut, I'm gonna have to agree with the rest of the guys. When I read something, I hate to be bombarded with countless redundant descriptions that all say the same thing. With that said, sometimes (not always), it is necessary to re-emphasize a point. Just don't do it in the original descriptive/introductive passage. Put it into a plot driving passage - For example: Take what you've written as an intro paragraph. Then you'd have another paragraph say like:<br><br><!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><i> Johnathon was strolling down the glass hallway trying to get to the mess in time for his last meal. The awe-inspiring gloom of the space around the hall made him feel vastly insignificant and so he hurried through faster than he would have had he been with friends.</i><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--><br><br>Ignore the run-on sentence of course, but that's how I'd emphasize a point without directly pointing it out.<br><br> <p></p><i></i>

I am still trying to nail down a 'good' paragraph. I don't like what I have written so far.<br><br>I know I didn't do what you guys did and edit the original post directly, instead I took the ideas it gave me and expanded on it. I thought it might give Asha new or different ideas to try.<br><br>If I did what you all did, then he's limited to a single paragraph that he already knows quite well.<br><br>Why not look at space with a few different perspectives?<br><br>In space, Death comes like a massive army; seeking to take your life in a thousand different ways. It is cold, fearless, cruel, and vast. The moment you reach out to it, it finds you in a grip of weightlessness where the battle for your life is begun.<br><br>This paragraph is still a bit overdramatic, but space is dramatic to begin with. I have read the biography of John Glenn, and unless you've been up there, it is very difficult to imagine what it is really like.<br><br>For all intent, the original passage put up was pretty good. Repetition, though annoying to people, is just a tool to emphasize something. A mood or object. If it is used well, people don't even notice it; or better, they feel it *should* be there.<br><br>Good luck with your writing! <br> <p></p><i></i>

Yeah, I finished the next section of Firetruce tonite, but I think it still needs to be edited, and expanded.... I dunno what to do with it yet. :/ <p><map name="SHMAP"><area href="http://xmenclan.org" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="169, 72, 193, 143"><area href="http://dragontalonmercs.com" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="0, 78, 25, 141"><area href="http://pub1.ezboard.com/uspinninghat.sh ... anguage=EN" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="22, 3, 172, 30"></map><img border="0" src="http://www.xmenclan.org/sh3d2.gif" usemap="#SHMAP" width="194" height="144"> <br>Why Do I always Die?!?!</p><i></i>

Ok...<br><br><br>How does this sound:<br><br><!--EZCODE QUOTE START--><blockquote><b><i>Quote:</i></b><hr> The emptiness of space surrounds us all. The blacker than black stretches out to infinity, and then some, but presses in on one like the tallest mountains. Stars seem like pinpricks of light that never shimmer; their unwavering gaze not caring. Cruel, vacuous, chillingly harsh; life has no place here. The infinite void seems as though it is empty.<hr></blockquote><!--EZCODE QUOTE END--><br><br><br> <p><br><img src=http://www.xmenclan.org/avatars/ashaman2.jpg width=150 align=left><br><left><a href=http://www.dragontalonmercs.com>Dragon Talon Mercenary</a><br><a href=http://www.xmenclan.org>Member of the XMEN</a><br>Have a Nice Day!<br><br>"Politics, war, martial arts;<br>these are tools to bend the <br>universe to your will."</left></p><i></i>

Very nice. Much more clear and concise. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :D --><img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /happy.gif ALT=":D"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <p><div align="center"><embed width="250" height="200" src="http://www.theta_mercenaries.homestead.com/files/sphat.swf"></div><p align=center><font color=#ff0000>Why Do I Always Die?!?!?!?!</font></p></p><i></i>

My head hurts after reading this thread. I am going back to the Poke'mon board. <p><embed src="http://www.nickandsarah.com/tag.swf" quality=high pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/dow ... kwaveFlash" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="150"> </embed> </p><i></i>

INSPIRATION!!!<br><br>The cruel hands of space surround us. The blacker than blackness of black black stretches blackly out to blackish depths of black infinity, and then some, but presses heavily on one's shoulders like seat belt of a hanging rollercoaster. Stars seem like pinpricks of light shimmering; their unwavering gaze not caring for a spec of life that was but a grain of sand on the beach of the cosmos. Cruel, vacuous, notoriously unkempt, and chillingly harsh; life has no place here. The infinite void seems as though it is empty, until you look twice, but it's still empty.<br>It was <!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><i> too</i><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--> harsh, though Douglas. <!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><i> I'm going back to Pokémon</i><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--> <p><center><table border=0 cellpadding=0 cellspacing=5><td><img border="0" src="http://www.xmenclan.org/avatars/t2red.g ... ><td><font size=5>RedSirus<a href=mailto:redsirus@dragontalonmercs.com>@</a></font><br><br><a href=http://www.dragontalonmercs.com>Dragon Talon Mercenary</a> > <a href=http://server2.ezboard.com/bdragontalon ... ><br><font size=2><a href=http://pub18.ezboard.com/bdtmonlinecommunity>DTM Community</a> > <a href=http://pub18.ezboard.com/fdtmonlinecomm ... s>RedSirus' Reviews</a></font><br><br><a href=http://www.xmenclan.org>Brainwashed Fishmonger</a> > <a href=http://pub3.ezboard.com/bxmenclan>Forum ... </p><i></i>

deep<br><br>/me snaps fingers like a beetnic <p>XMEN|FireFro[DTM] --- "I hate shocklances"<BR><BR>"Join me or die, can you do any less?"</p><i></i>