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Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 12:47 am**

Doing some work on the side, between school and my research paper (which will be in the Journal of Physics, sometime next year, supposedly). Mostly just jotting down notes about plot, and character development. Things that just seem to pop into my head. I'll then try to integrate it later. My question is, how do you get around any blocks that might form? I still seem to be able to have ideas pop into my head at random. The problem is integrating them, or a part of them, into a plot. Here is an excerpt from something that I have been developing: <blockquote>Quote:<hr> The universe is an unforgiving place. The infinite void is dark, cold, and inhospitable. The blackness stretches out to infinity. It is so distant, so cold. The blackness is so far away, yet it presses in on one like the tallest mountains. <hr></blockquote> I'm trying to convey the idea that space is not the kindest of environments. Your comments are much appreciated, if you care to critique. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /smile.gif ALT=":)"> <img src=http://www.xmenclan.org/avatars/ashaman2.jpg width=150 align=left> <left><a href=http://www.dragontalonmercs.com>Dragon Talon Mercenary</a> <a href=http://www.xmenclan.org>Member of the XMEN</a> Have a Nice Day! "Politics, war, martial arts; these are tools to bend the universe to your will."</left>

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 8:48 am**

I thought space was Beige? <table border="2" bordercolor="#420042" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center"><head><link REL=STYLESHEET HREF="http://www.thzclan.com/jester/jessig.css" TYPE="text/css"></head><tr><td><a href="http://www.thzclan.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.thzclan.com/jester/THZjester1a.jpg" width="240" height="240" border="0"></a></td><td><a href="http://www.thzclan.com/cam" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.thzclan.com/jester/cam/ccam.jpg" width="320" height="240" border="0"></a></td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" align="center" bgcolor="#000000" id="jessig"><a href="mailto:jester@thzclan.com">THZ*Jester[DTM]</a> Cerberus of <a href="http://www.thzclan.com" target="_blank">The Hounds of Zeus</a> Professional Hitman for <a href="http://www.xmenclan.org" target="_blank">The XMEN</a> Evil App Admin for the <a href="http://www.dragontalonmercs.com" target="_blank">Dragon Talon Mercenaries</a> <a href="http://12.229.123.86:8000/listen.pls">Battle Ground Radio</a></td></tr></table>

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 10:36 am**

Green, Jester. Space is Green (almost turquoise). Asha, as far as that one clip goes, I like it. It really gets the point across, and I like the mountain analogy.

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 10:49 am**

Ok, Here's MY take on that passage: <blockquote>Quote:<hr> The universe is an unforgiving place. The infinite void is dark, cold, and suffocating. The blackness is so far away, yet it presses in on one like the tallest mountains. <hr></blockquote> Now, Here's the Original: <blockquote>Quote:<hr> The universe is an unforgiving place. The infinite void is dark, cold, and inhospitable. The blackness stretches out to infinity. It is so distant, so cold. The blackness is so far away, yet it presses in on one like the tallest mountains. <hr></blockquote> Now, the reason I cut "The blackness stretches out to infinity" and "It is so Distant, so Cold" is they have been alluded to in the previous sentences, and repetition is not usually the best way to capture a reader. (In my opinion) I like to use descriptive words like you have here, but make it short sweet, and if it is an important point, I try to make the reader feel like he's (or she's) been hit with that point very quickly. I know this goes against most conventional writing practice, but sometimes, a conjunction would make things flow more smoothly. (This passage wouldn't really work.) Is that what you're talkin about Asha? Or are you wanting more how to hash out plot points? Cuz I suck at that. <map name="SHMAP"><area href="http://xmenclan.org" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="169, 72, 193, 143"><area href="http://dragontalonmercs.com" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="0, 78, 25, 141"><area href="http://pub1.ezboard.com/uspinninghat.sh ... anguage=EN" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="22, 3, 172, 30"></map><img border="0" src="http://www.xmenclan.org/sh3d2.gif" usemap="#SHMAP" width="194" height="144"> Why Do I always Die?!?!Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub3.ezboard.com/uspinninghat.sh ... N>Spinning Hat</A>  <IMG SRC="http://www.theta_mercenaries.homestead.com/files/xmen.gif" BORDER=0> at: 5/4/02 6:00:14 pm

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 2:55 pm**

Actually, I was looking for comments. You make a good point, SH. I think I can rework that passage so that it comes across in a more succinct manner. I just wasn't sure if I was putting enough description out to get the point across. Thanks. <img src=http://www.xmenclan.org/avatars/ashaman2.jpg width=150 align=left> <left><a href=http://www.dragontalonmercs.com>Dragon Talon Mercenary</a> <a href=http://www.xmenclan.org>Member of the XMEN</a> Have a Nice Day! "Politics, war, martial arts; these are tools to bend the universe to your will."</left>

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 5:02 pm**

nP Asha. I think my comments on it are all up top there. The passage almost feels "whiny" like a little kid or something... I don't know why, but it does. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... rassed.gif ALT=":o"> But really, the point does come across, it's just repetitive. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /happy.gif ALT=":D"> <map name="SHMAP"><area href="http://xmenclan.org" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="169, 72, 193, 143"><area href="http://dragontalonmercs.com" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="0, 78, 25, 141"><area href="http://pub1.ezboard.com/uspinninghat.sh ... anguage=EN" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="22, 3, 172, 30"></map><img border="0" src="http://www.xmenclan.org/sh3d2.gif" usemap="#SHMAP" width="194" height="144"> Why Do I always Die?!?!

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 6:21 pm**

I actually agree with SH on the brevity. I've recently started going for shorter sentences in my work than a 'compound sentence'. I used to have an affair with sentences that contained two ideas instead of one, but now I've cut down. I'm just not paying as much attention as SH. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /smile.gif ALT=":)"> Still, I do prefer slightly longer descriptions than SH might. I missed the two instances of cold and I have to agree with the repetition taboo. <center><table border=0 cellpadding=0 cellspacing=5><td><img border="0" src="http://www.xmenclan.org/avatars/t2red.g ... ><td>RedSirus<a href=mailto:redsirus@dragontalonmercs.com>@</a> <a href=http://www.dragontalonmercs.com>Dragon Talon Mercenary</a> > <a href=http://server2.ezboard.com/bdragontalon ... > <a href=http://pub18.ezboard.com/bdtmonlinecommunity>DTM Community</a> > <a href=http://pub18.ezboard.com/fdtmonlinecomm ... s>RedSirus' Reviews</a> <a href=http://www.xmenclan.org>Brainwashed Fishmonger</a> > <a href=http://pub3.ezboard.com/bxmenclan>Forum ...

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 6:35 pm**

It's not more of the shortness, that concerns me when I'm writing, but the impact. Now, If y'all read what I posted so far in Firetruce, part of the impact is the stronger language (Which gets filtered out in here. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /frown.gif ALT=":("> ) BUt, I find myself Rambling. I will go now. <map name="SHMAP"><area href="http://xmenclan.org" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="169, 72, 193, 143"><area href="http://dragontalonmercs.com" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="0, 78, 25, 141"><area href="http://pub1.ezboard.com/uspinninghat.sh ... anguage=EN" target="_blank" shape="rect" coords="22, 3, 172, 30"></map><img border="0" src="http://www.xmenclan.org/sh3d2.gif" usemap="#SHMAP" width="194" height="144"> Why Do I always Die?!?!

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 8:58 pm**

I have to say I like Hat's reconstruct of your passage, Asha. The repitition in the original actually threw me off stride, and I had to double-check. Of course, I end up doing this myself, so I'm no one to point fingers. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /smile.gif ALT=":)"> Of course, I end up doing this myself, so I'm no one to point fingers. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /smile.gif ALT=":)"> <img src=http://scribers.midwestmail.com/ambushbug/BugSig.jpg align=LEFT> Member: DTM, XMEN Professional Tank Driver Card-carrying Base-Cracker Ugly Son-Of-A-Gun Bug's Tank Bumper Sticker: "If you can read this, you're already street pizza."

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 9:49 pm**

You're an idiot, Bug. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /smile.gif ALT=":)"> <center><table border=0 cellpadding=0 cellspacing=5><td><img border="0" src="http://www.xmenclan.org/avatars/t2red.g ... ><td>RedSirus<a href=mailto:redsirus@dragontalonmercs.com>@</a> <a href=http://www.dragontalonmercs.com>Dragon Talon Mercenary</a> > <a href=http://server2.ezboard.com/bdragontalon ... > <a href=http://pub18.ezboard.com/bdtmonlinecommunity>DTM Community</a> > <a href=http://pub18.ezboard.com/fdtmonlinecomm ... s>RedSirus' Reviews</a> <a href=http://www.xmenclan.org>Brainwashed Fishmonger</a> > <a href=http://pub3.ezboard.com/bxmenclan>Forum ...

Posted: **Sat May 04, 2002 10:48 pm**

Thank you, thank you! And now, for my next trick... the complete derailment of this thread! <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... s/wink.gif ALT=";)"> Seriously, I agonize over some passages I write, going through many many versions before I settle on a final version. The trick I'm using now is to write several versions at once and then pick the best of those, edit, mess around some more, repeat until well-done. Tedious, but it helps with those 'tricky bits'. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /smile.gif ALT=":)"> <img src=http://scribers.midwestmail.com/ambushbug/BugSig.jpg align=LEFT> Member: DTM, XMEN Professional Tank Driver Card-carrying Base-Cracker Ugly Son-Of-A-Gun Bug's Tank Bumper Sticker: "If you can read this, you're already street pizza."

Posted: **Sun May 05, 2002 12:31 am**

My take on the passage. That speckled black night, so peaceful from the womb of mother earth, is a treacherous void once outside Gaia's loving arms. Such is the birth of an cosmonaught. Not a birth by fire but a trial of ice. It's a cruel vaccuum. A horrid fall into the darkness. A loss of breath, a loss of life. It freezes your blood. It burns your flesh. It is space. Go to your gods, ye men of the stars. Walk among your heavens, but do not sin against this realm, death here can be a long hell. Go forth into the darkness. Step out beyond the sky. But come home. Come home. -- Think that sets the mood okay? Does space seem vicious enough here? I don't know... -- <img src=http://www.usssacramento.net/images/ravok.jpg> Proud Member of the XMEN Kickin' Member of the THZ* Slammin' Tactician for the DTM Awesome Owner of <a href="http://www.usssacramento.net"> usssacramento.net </a>

Posted: **Sun May 05, 2002 3:16 am**

Ooh! Good idea Bug! Rav, I'm not sure that you conveyed the message well. Could you elaborate? <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... s/wink.gif ALT=";)"> <img src=http://www.xmenclan.org/avatars/ashaman2.jpg width=150 align=left> <left><a href=http://www.dragontalonmercs.com>Dragon Talon Mercenary</a> <a href=http://www.xmenclan.org>Member of the XMEN</a> Have a Nice Day! "Politics, war, martial arts; these are tools to bend the universe to your will."</left>

Posted: **Sun May 05, 2002 10:20 am**

Ravok's pulling the antithesis of what the rest of us are going for, I belive, brevity.

Posted: **Sun May 05, 2002 8:21 pm**

Space Hurts. Ow. Is That Better? <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... s/wink.gif ALT=";)"> <img src=http://www.usssacramento.net/images/ravok.jpg> Proud Member of the XMEN Kickin' Member of the THZ* Slammin' Tactician for the DTM Awesome Owner of <a href="http://www.usssacramento.net"> usssacramento.net </a>

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