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Firetruce Comments
Posted: Wed May 01, 2002 11:30 pm
by Spinning Hat
Post here to let me know what you think. Right now, the only thing I wish was for the language filter to be disabled in here. this IS afterall, a fiction forum, and sometimes, Shazbot and Doh just don't quite convey the emotions the author wants the characters to express. <p><map name="SHMAP"><area href="
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Re: Firetruce Comments
Posted: Thu May 02, 2002 9:54 am
by Ambush Bug
Actually, that's why I went with the more overwrought form of cursing in the stories I'm working with...gets by the filters and leads to some rather creative results. "Blast and Damnation!" is one of my favorites so far. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :) --><img src=
http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /smile.gif ALT=":)"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> <br><br>Good stuff, Hat, looks like some good combat is gonna be coming up, neh? <p><BR><img src=
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Re: Firetruce Comments
Posted: Thu May 02, 2002 10:23 am
by Spinning Hat
Yeah, lots of combat will ensue. We see a little foreshadowing in the beginning, and it will develop more too. <p><map name="SHMAP"><area href="
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Re: Firetruce Comments
Posted: Thu May 02, 2002 1:26 pm
by Jester DTM
cool, story, hope Jester gets an MA. <p><table border="2" bordercolor="#420042" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center"><head><link REL=STYLESHEET HREF="
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Re: Firetruce Comments
Posted: Thu May 09, 2002 10:33 pm
by Spinning Hat
Ok. Part 2 is up. I may be editing and adding things to it, so well, we'll see. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :D --><img src=
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Re: Firetruce Comments
Posted: Thu May 09, 2002 10:56 pm
by Ambush Bug
<!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><i> */me screws in editing antennae. Sirus screams and runs for cover, able to feel their influence even as far away as Montreal.*</i><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--><br><br>Hat, you commented at the bottom of your second part that you felt it needed some work. The thing that came immediately to mind when I read it was the lack of dialogue after the -- break-mark. I would suggest throwing in some dialoge and breaking up some of your descriptions. Throw in a little embellishment and see what happens, too.<br><br>What about a few sprinkles of internal monologue for the guys doing all the attacking? Not enough to give away the plot, but enough to give the reader an idea of their motivation for doing what they are doing?<br><br><!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><i> */me unscrews editing antennae. Sirus comes out of his bomb-shelter*</i><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--><br><br>I <!--EZCODE ITALIC START--><i> really</i><!--EZCODE ITALIC END--> like the premise, though. Tribal terrorists? Some of the guys over at Tribes Roleplayers were asking about that very subject, so what you're writing certainly is something folks are curious about. <br><br>Brrrr. Nanite weapons make me shiver. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :) --><img src=
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Re: Firetruce Comments
Posted: Thu May 09, 2002 11:01 pm
by Spinning Hat
Will do. Thx. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :D --><img src=
http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/im ... /happy.gif ALT=":D"><!--EZCODE EMOTICON END--> Tribal terrorists are something I've always wanted to see. So I figure, hey- I can do that. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :D --><img src=
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Re: Firetruce Comments
Posted: Thu May 09, 2002 11:12 pm
by XMEN Ashaman DTM
I have to say that it's actually better than you think, SH.<br><br>I can picture one of the flames melting into the shadows, moving as silently as their jets would allow. The others seem swift, brutal, and efficient.<br><br>I think you could be thinking that it lacks something, but only because the passage seems kind of short. Though I would not know what to expand on just a bit. You did say what needed to be said.<br><br>I don't think I'm the best one to critique. <!--EZCODE EMOTICON START :) --><img src=
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