21 Ways To Be A Good Democrat:

XMEN Iceman · Post by **XMEN Iceman** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 4:58 pm

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach
fourth-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison & A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and beastiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

Spinning Hat · Post by **Spinning Hat** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 5:30 pm

I don't know that i find any of the above funny, but the contrasts of views are interesting, because it does highlight what most all democrats (Real dems, apparently) believe... I am not really for or against any one party. It bugs me that to get anywhere in politics you have to tow the party line along party lines, and there is no room for any real compromise, or even split the differences of the two parties and really find a happy balance. I believe in many of the views of both parties, and it's a hard choice on election day in not voting for someone who I feel will do the most good, but who I feel will do the least damage, and hopefully do some good. And the main reason: I don't think any politicians really do any good. It's all a question of who does the least damage.

Post by **XMEN Gambit** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 7:38 pm

Some who feel like SH vote for whoever's not in power, or for two people who hold two different related offices that they know won't work well together to get anything done. In other words, try to gridlock the government.

Ambush Bug · Post by **Ambush Bug** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:04 am

All I know these days is that I'd be a terrible President, at least when it came to pollsters and the public arena.

Picks his underwear out of his butt? Check.

Expects that people should listen to the entire speech, not just some stupid soundbite? Check.

Listens to the advice of his advisors, weighs the various options, then makes a decision that seems to him to be best at the time? Check.

Has used many different drugs in the past, and is unrepentant about it? Check.

Swears? Check.

Is willing to say, "Well, shoot, I don't know the answer to that. Gimme some time to figure one out." Check.

Has common sense? Check.

I'd last about five minutes in the Oval Office, I'm sure.

X Rogue · Post by **X Rogue** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:10 am

And the sad part is, it's the people that would last less than five minutes, who probably should be the ones there.

Spinning Hat · Post by **Spinning Hat** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 12:27 pm

Yup. It's sad that more people who feel the way I do don't study up on candidates, and simply vote against the incumbent no matter the position. And that isn't right. I'd vote for you AB if you ran for president!

XMEN Iceman · Post by **XMEN Iceman** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 2:08 pm

Sorry guys...meant as political satire, not to slam anybody really.

ATF Ravok · Post by **ATF Ravok** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:15 pm

Political satire is a dying art.

Even the satirists can't stand it anymore.

TimberWolf · Post by **TimberWolf** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 11:39 pm

Its hard to do Political Satire because it is usually true any more.